Recently I have made the decision to quit chewing tobacco and it’s going really well.  It’s been one week and one day without any dip, it’s been the worst week of my entire life, I have no energy, and I am irritated all the damn time.  I just wish I was 18 then it wouldn’t be a big deal, but im not, I am 16 and it is illegal for me to dip.  I have a bunch of warnings for possession of tobacco by a minor and had a summons to court, but I did a program that got rid of the summons and I successfully completed it and now I don’t have to go to court.

These two people are the main reason that I needed to quit because he doesn’t want me to be addicted to tobacco like he is and she wouldn’t want to see me doing it.  I always felt guilty when I dipped because I knew she was lookin down at me and shaking her head.  She would be so disappointed in me and I don’t want to disappoint her because she meant the world me and now she’s gone and I know she’s watching me from somewhere sittin on a cloud.  She wouldn’t want me to be addicted to tobacco and that is why I had to quit.

           

The 1^st time I got caught all I could think was what is she thinking right now or what is she doing right now.  I thought to myself she is so disappointed in me and it made me wanna c  Every time I got caught that’s all I could think was that she is so disappointed in me and that I made her upset, it killed me on the inside to know that I had made her cry and disappoint her, but I didn’t because I knew she wouldn’t want to see me cry.

 I did it for no one else besides her, it would be a lot easier if she was still here and I could hear her voice saying, “you can do it nick I believe in you”.  That is the hardest part of quitting, not having her here to support me, having her help me beat my addiction, being here with me and cheer me on as I do so.  I would give anything for her to be here and help me through this rough time in my life, but its never gonna happen and its so hard.  I would give anything for her to be here and hear her tell me how proud she is that im quitting and that she loves me not matter what I do even though she might not love my choices in life.  Now I’ve realized that its time to quit and make her proud and not make her have to worry about me.