This weekend my dad will be home and he’ll be home for Easter too and I am beyond excited and beyond nervous at the exact same time.  He’ll also be home all of next week and I plan on being with him all week long, hopefully, that’s the key word, hopefully.  My dad and I are so similar and that’s why we don’t see eye to eye, which makes no sense riiiiigghht?  It doesn’t make any sense but that’s just the way it is I suppose and its true every time I see him we have a fight except for when we’re in Florida.  The last time he was home, we got into a huge fight, I cracked some of his ribs, and we threw a couple punches.  YIKES riiiiigghht???  Now we just forget about it because it’s in the past and we focus on the present and don’t worry about it each day is a new one.

My dad was always busy when I was little he was never really around so my grandpa filled the father figure and that’s probably why I have more respect for my grandpa than I do my dad.  He just wasn’t there when I needed him, he shipped out for three weeks at a time, but then he had three weeks off, but he was working on building another story on one of his buildings.  He was never really home but once he was home it was late at night and I was already in bed for the most part.  He got up early in the morning around five and left to go work on the buildings and whatever else he needed to do.

            This weekend hopefully my dad and I will fix my chainsaw and go cut the fallen trees blocking our trails on the wheelahs if most of the snow is gone and hopefully the trails are fairly bare.  I would love to do some trail riding with my dad and fix my golf cart that I broke haha.  I like spending time with my dad we usually have fun I just wish we wouldn’t fight anymore because that’s not fun for anyone.  I wish we wouldn’t fight anymore cause them I would feel more comfortable about moving in with him because if we fight like we do now and im living with him that would be bad.

            I hope that my sister will come and spend the night and then wake up on Easter morning with us, she hunt for eggs, and we’ll all have a good time.  That’s what we usually do on Easter and then later on we go back to my moms and eat dinnah with her my sister, my grandpa, and my aunt.  Then ill either spend the night at moms or head back and spend the night back at dads, I don’t really know yet, but ill cross that bridge when I come to it.  It will be a fun filled day, I get to spend time with my dad, spend time with my grandpa and aunt, eat candy, couldn’t ask for a better day.  

Recently I have made the decision to quit chewing tobacco and it’s going really well.  It’s been one week and one day without any dip, it’s been the worst week of my entire life, I have no energy, and I am irritated all the damn time.  I just wish I was 18 then it wouldn’t be a big deal, but im not, I am 16 and it is illegal for me to dip.  I have a bunch of warnings for possession of tobacco by a minor and had a summons to court, but I did a program that got rid of the summons and I successfully completed it and now I don’t have to go to court.

These two people are the main reason that I needed to quit because he doesn’t want me to be addicted to tobacco like he is and she wouldn’t want to see me doing it.  I always felt guilty when I dipped because I knew she was lookin down at me and shaking her head.  She would be so disappointed in me and I don’t want to disappoint her because she meant the world me and now she’s gone and I know she’s watching me from somewhere sittin on a cloud.  She wouldn’t want me to be addicted to tobacco and that is why I had to quit.

           

The 1^st time I got caught all I could think was what is she thinking right now or what is she doing right now.  I thought to myself she is so disappointed in me and it made me wanna c  Every time I got caught that’s all I could think was that she is so disappointed in me and that I made her upset, it killed me on the inside to know that I had made her cry and disappoint her, but I didn’t because I knew she wouldn’t want to see me cry.

 I did it for no one else besides her, it would be a lot easier if she was still here and I could hear her voice saying, “you can do it nick I believe in you”.  That is the hardest part of quitting, not having her here to support me, having her help me beat my addiction, being here with me and cheer me on as I do so.  I would give anything for her to be here and help me through this rough time in my life, but its never gonna happen and its so hard.  I would give anything for her to be here and hear her tell me how proud she is that im quitting and that she loves me not matter what I do even though she might not love my choices in life.  Now I’ve realized that its time to quit and make her proud and not make her have to worry about me.

            

Over February vacation, my sister and I went to see our dad on his boat in Florida.  We got on the plane at Bangor International Airport a little after 6:30pm, then we had to go de ice, and there were 2 more planes ahead of us.  I was like oh my god this is bull**** I just want to be in Florida right now, then finally after we de iced, we took off.  Around 10:00pm we flew into Orlando, unfortunately it is a 5-hour drive to the boat.  By the time we got in the car, it was 11:00pm because it took a while to get off the plane then we had to go to the bathroom. 

When we finally got to the car, we drank a bunch of iced tea and my dad had like 5 Red Bulls because we couldn’t find a hotel so we had to drive all the way to the boat.  We spent a lot of time gettin off the selected route to fin hotels, so by the time we got to the boat it was past 5:00am.  We went around the house, got onto the boat, and then got everything inside, and then I crashed out on the bed.  I slept most of the day away because I was soo tired, unfortunately that was one of the nicest days we had down there. 

My sister woke me up and told me that my dad wanted to talk to me, so I got up and got dress and headed up the tuna tower.  I was still half asleep, my dad said, “here you steer” I was like holy crap im still half asleep, and now im steering this 52ft boat down theses narrow canals.  Then we had to turn around and it was quite a tricky situation, my dad used the engines to turn us completely around.  I was amazed at my dads piloting capabilities, but then again this boat is nothing compared to the ship with the barge that my dad pilots off the coast of Philly, which is hundreds of feet in total.  We took the boat to the marina that he used to have his boat in to say hi but I was so tired that I went back down into the salon and fell back asleep.

         While we were in Florida we did a lot of fun things, I think the best thing we did was went jet skiing, we went all over the place.  We got out in the harbor, a HUGE cruise ship was just leaving, it created an insane wake, and we went braap braaap braaapin through it.  It was a lot of fun, I can’t wait to go back, and hangout with my dad and just being relaxed and he’s not busy all the damn time.  I had an amazing time jet skiing with my dad, sister, and my dad’s friend Doug; I would definitely do it again.

          Another thing we did was go to theater of the sea and that was pretty cool.  We went on a bottomless boat ride and as we go down the canal dolphins come up in the middle of the boat and do tricks and stuff.  The woman steered the boat with an outboard motor, and she did it with her foot.  There were a lot of cool things the animals did a bunch of amazing tricks that were pretty solid, my sis had a pretty good time.  Although she got grumpy cause my dad would buy her food and she said, “oh so you’ll let your own daughter starve to death” haha. 

Every summer my dad and his crew go down to his boat and they go off shore fishing and catch all kinds of fish I hopefully ill be able to go with him and his crew.  I really wanted to last year but it just never happened, I don’t really know why but it just didn’t.  Last year when we went down I met his chief engineer “Jeff” and he was pretty cool and I wanted to meet the rest of the crew and see Jeff again so hopefully ill be able to go down this summer.

           I wish I could go live with him down on the boat in Florida but he’s gone for 6 months out of the year, it would be fun because everything we did in that one week we could do all the time!!  I miss Florida especially when we have this crappy weather up here in Maine. 

           I had the best vacation in Florida with my dad we did so many fun things that I cant wait to do again next February vacation.

My Wheelah

For my 16^th birthday present, my dad bought me a four wheelah and then later on he bought himself one so we could go ridin together.  We had to go to Mass to get it because that’s where they had the best deal; the truck tide wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.  My dad and I had a lot of fun just being together on a little trip and getting away from everyone.  When we got there, I fell in love with my wheelah it was wicked nice and shiny, we also looked at other wheelahs and they were nice too, but I liked mine the most.  We loaded it up and headed home, even though we got home when it was quite dark I turned on the headlights and drove around the property anyways.

When he told me he got his own, I didn’t know that he got the exact same one as me even the color was the same.  We have a bunch of trails out behind his house in the woods on his 100 acres of land.  We have to huge fields that I drive my wheelah around in, one of them had this little creek that runs through it from the pond he has.  In some areas its wicked deep and a little bit narrow, one time I was followin him on his and we went through part of it and I went around him and when I cam out of the creek I thought I was gonna flip it, or get stuck.  In that moment, I said to myself, “when in doubt throttle out”.  Luckily, I got out, without flippin it or gettin her stuck, that would have been a sticky situation, or even worse, I could of hurt myself real badly. 

            My dad and I also like to go trail ridin on the Sunrise Trails in Ellsworth.  The Sunrise Trails are an old railroad system that they tore up and put down some dirt, the trails go on for miles and miles.  There are some other trails off the main ones that are personal trails that the owners let the riders go on.  We went through one trail that brought us threw and blue berry patch and there were bees everywhere.  They were hittin us left and right, thankfully I had goggles with my helmet so they didn’t hit me in the face and I also had a sweatshirt.  The Sunrise Trails are a lot of fun to go wheelin on and in the wintah time, you can go snowmobiling; you can also bring your horses, side by sides, wheelahs, you can walk, snowmobiles, bikes, and even dirt bikes.

We brought my sister once and she got to drive my dads wheelah and she had a blast, she said that she had soooooo much fun and would love to do it again.  The only problem with that is I liked having one on one time with my dad because when my sister is around we always seem to have a fight and that isn’t fun for anyone.  She loves to ride the four wheelahs, when we’re home my dad lets her drive his around the property with me and we have a blast.  I love going wheelin with my family its something ill do till the day I die.

Welding is my favorite part of the day

Welding is my favorite part of the day because once that helmet drops the bullshit stops.  All I am focused on is laying a bead and not gettin the rod stuck, and when I am making a coupon all im focused on is lining them up and making sure they’re even.  All I think about when I am welding is just welding nothing else, not the fight that I had with my parents or the drama of life or even the bullshit I have to put up with every single day. 

When the helmet drops the bullshit stops, it is the truest statement ever made.  When I drop my helmet, all the people around me disappear, my surroundings disappear.  Once my helmet is dropped, I don’t even hear the people in the shop, all I hear is the sound of the almost sizzling sound of layin that bead, all I can think about is runnin that bead and not gettin the rod stuck.   

When I drop my helmet I zone out, for all I know there could be a fire and I wouldn’t even know it.  Even when I lift my helmet up all I think about is getting that slag off and cleanin up my weld and getting prepared to run anothah.  Granted I sometimes get a little bit mad when I get the rod stuck to my piece or coupon, and I may or may not throw my muffed up rod across the shop or at the wall or throw it on the floor and loose my marbles for a quick second.  Nevertheless, once I finally get back in control my mind goes back to welding and layin down another bead.  Then I focus in on grabbin that rod and puttin it in the clip, striking that rod on my vertical or on my coupon. 

Once I strike that rod, I run that bead making little circles till the finish.  After I’ve finished runnin my bead, I drop the rod in my triangular bucket and then I put my safety glasses on and then I take that chippin hammah and chip all of that slag off my bead.  After I’ve gotten all the slag off my piece, I then flip the chippin hammah over and use the brush to make my piece look nice and pretty.  Then I start all over, again and again, until I can get it perfect, then go, and get certified.  When I drop my helmet, I am calm and relaxed, even on my worst days evah.  No matter how tired I am in the morning once I walk through those doors to the shop I am alert and focused.  When I am in welding nothin can bring me down, I don’t think about anything else beside layin beads, chippin slag, and throwing some good ole sparks.  Even when I’m takin a break to let my piece cool down my mind is set on gettin back, layin some more beads, and fill up my coupon.